Biffy Clyro: God and Satan

This bland, turgid nonsense is taken from Biffy Clyro's Mercury Prize nominated album. God save us. Satan save us. What are Biffy Clyro then? Christians or Satanists? Who are the extras in the incomprehensible video? Zombies? Rejects from Thriller maybe? This is obviously an attempt at writing a serious song but it fails miserably. Aside from the third-rate melody, the lyric is riddled with flaws. At one point the singer asks: 'Is this the pinnacle or is it the pinnacle, the pinnacle of being alive?' I don't know. How many pinnacles can you have? If you've already used the word 'miracle' then what could possibly rhyme with 'pinnacle'? Monocle? Oracle? I know- pinnacle! Enough said.

DJ Fresh: Gold Dust

This is actually quite refreshing. I'm not going to rush out and buy it but it has some charmingly wacky moments- the intro, the edit with the rewind tape sample and the ending show some thought and originality. I love the cheesy techno jabs that feature throughout and the video with all that speed-skipping is fun to watch.
Can't figure out at all what the lyric is about but it really doesn't matter too much in this instance. Plenty of zip and youthful energy here, and a well-written pop song with a hooky chorus. What a relief it is to find a track that doesn't have any horrible vocoders or annoying raps in it.

Ne-Yo: Beautiful Monster

Mr Ne-Yo isn't trying to be the new Michael Jackson, is he? Shameless lifts from Thriller's dance routines, Jackson's vocal style, dress-choice (even down to the hat) would suggest he is, but never mind. Then there's the bonus theft from The Matrix in the opening scene but what am I expecting? Originality?
The song itself is rather weak and silly, esp the lyric: 'She's a beautiful monster and I don't mind'. On the second listen I decided to while away the weary 4 mins 12 seconds by counting up the number of 'I don't mind's and came up with 51- that's one every 4.95 seconds on average or thereabouts. Sigh. I think I do mind.
At least there isn't a rap thrown in there- a rarity these days in chart singles. I will give it that.

Inna: Amazing

The Youtube vid for 'Amazing' (ly-bad) has over 9.7 million viewers so far and counting. What is wrong with people out there? Ok, Inna is a hot babe for sure, but her voice is thin, nasal, and utterly nondescript. The 'song' is a twee, prehistoric, Pinky-Perky, Italian-House affair that could have come out 20 years ago, though back then, the standard of House music was somewhat higher- which isn't saying much.
The badness of the lyric beggars belief: 'Why are you moving like that? You're driving me crazy, you're looking amazing.' Then there's the clip where a group of surf-boys drool over Inna whilst drooling over their ice-creams. I think I need a sick-bag.

Billionaire: Travis McCoy feat Bruno Mars

As soon as I heard the opening line I winced: 'I wanna be a billionaire so fucking bad'- those last 3 words forming a perfect description of this song. Are we supposed to be charmed by the unashamed materialism of the lyric? Some humour and subtlety required I think but there is neither here. When the obligatory rap section kicks in, the lyric becomes even more abnoxious and in some instances, downright silly as we hear of his intentions to adopt babies, give away Mercedes cars, feed the hungry, and even 'play basketball with the president'.
I'm struggling for a positive remark and the only one I can make is that Travis McCoy has a decent enough singing voice. Nought out of ten for whoever wrote this unlistenable trash. And it's high in the charts. How depressing.

Flo Rida feat David Guetta: Club Can't Handle Me

Ok, this is unadulterated commercial pap without any doubt- but I like the chorus despite myself. If only producers would stop using those infuriating vocal effects and vocoder programs. It's a good, strong, pop melody and really doesn't need all that naff-robot-nonsense on the lead vocal to make it work.
Having said all of that on the positive side, I know that if I hear this track more than 3 or 4 times, the chorus will start to become unbearable. A bit like having a dentist's drill tipped with a hungry tape-worm inserted into the brain. And that absurdly-high-in-the-mix 4 on the floor bass drum will start to feel like being repeatedly whacked over the head with a heavy baseball bat.

Devlin: Brainwashed

There's no reason why Devlin shouldn't achieve Eminem status with tracks like this. I don't like the style at all personally, but this is well put together with a hooky chorus and a clever, self-hyping lyric. At first, I winced a bit when I heard the London cockney accent coming through- I always get freaky flashbacks to Chas and Dave when I hear it but in this instance it only jumps out on a few lines and isn't unbearable. My hang-ups aside, the US market will love the accent.
Devlin has a slightly androgynous look about him which makes a refreshing change from the ubiquitous blandness of today's pop-stars in general. You might even say he looks 'weird' which is a compliment in my book. Good luck to the lad.

Arcade Fire: The Suburbs

Anyone who doesn't like this band needs their head looked at by a neurologist. The quality of the songwriting is consistent and, even for this alone, they stand out in modern times. Style-wise it can get a bit retro with Arcade Fire, but who cares? 'The Suburbs' seems to salute 60s psychedelia with definite echoes of Ray Davies and the Kinks, not just in the vocal delivery but also in some of the rich chord changes.
I've decided not to criticize on the basis of recycling styles- it's so common nowadays that it would be impossible to like anything if this were grounds for criticism. I think it's better to just appreciate a quality song when you hear one, and this song is just such an example. Arcade Fire always favour a rather rough-and-ready approach to production but in their case, it seems to add to the charm. Yes, thoroughly charmed and impressed by this single which, quite deservedly, is sitting comfortably at no 2 on the Billboard chart.

California Gurls: Katy Perry featuring Snoop Dogg

I assume they misspelt 'Girls' in the title to avoid confusion with the Beach Boys classic 'California Girls'. Well, this ditty could hardly be termed a 'classic' but cheerfully fulfils the criteria for 'throw-away pop-song'. Hordes of brainwashed teenagers will be nodding and bobbing around to this one with its catchy chorus and lavish video featuring ice-cream, cakes and, notably, whipped cream erupting from Ms Perry's breasts at around 3.25. One wonders whether being force-fed the entire contents of the video set might not be dissimilar to listening to one of her albums. This one sugary example left me sucking on a lemon for several minutes afterwards but given Ms Perry's back catalogue, it's pretty much what I expected.
No big surprise either is the marketing-ploy-cameo from Mr Dogg, who has the last word: 'I really wish they all could be Californian girls' buried in sand up to his neck. I really wish I had a pot of honey and a bucketful of termites.